Mama’s Advice

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 My Mama may have been right…..

 But I won’t tell her though

She warned me about you

Loving you

Letting you in to the deepest

Parts of me

Then watching as the years

With you began to strip

Away at all of me

My Mama may have been right

As much as I ignored her advice

I was too blinded by love 

To see

That in all my avoidance 

Of trying to find someone opposite

Of my daddy 

I ended up with the flip side 

Of the same penny

Sometimes I sit and wonder

Where the world I would be

If I took her advice back then

Would I have ever lost the woman

I used to be?

I miss her though….. The old me

So much, that bits and pieces 

Are slowly coming together

Until her form takes complete 

Shape inside my being

Mama may have been right

Her words fill my ears

With a consistent ringing

They take life as I observe each one

Be birthed in your ever-changing 

Personality 

Are you crazy? 

This used to be what kept me in place 

Trying to protect you from you 

Without the covering of 

Someone protecting me

Mama you might be right

I wonder should I have listened then

Because if I did not

The wonder would have been

On the opposite side of 

The neighborhood my mind 

Now lives in

And you would have been to me

A sweet, sweet, sweet fantasy 

A cherished memory

Who would have never done

What you have done to me

Hidden Truths

You may be baffled now

Or wonder how

I don’t cower 

When you let your inner bully out

If the truth was told

I’m  really not that bold

I just know you better

Than you think so

Puffed up, trying to be big

Acting mean

I’ve seen all of this before

To me it’s all the same

A man playing 

Child-like games

Throwing tantrums

And expecting me to bow in shame 

But if I’m being honest 

Even though you may be the strongest 

Fear of you just won’t take claim

You say you’re a man of humility 

Don’t want attention’s center

The limelight’s beam 

In my mind it’s all one big story

I see you,

Walking around 

Using alcohol so you can clown 

Without consequence

Boast 

without the truth being seen

You want every spot of the light

Every fear from the fight 

Me fleeing when you beat your chest 

So you can feel some kind of 

Vain victory…..

But I just can’t do it 

Can’t even muster the smallest 

Root from the smallest seed

So,

I’m sorry to tell you

You ain’t getting that from me

A Mended Broken Heart

To have your heart broken & mended in the same moment:

This is the only way I know to describe the feeling of watching your children grow into adulthood, and become less and less dependent upon you.

Our hearts as parents feel broken bcuz we suddenly have to say goodbye to the dynamic of family which has been built since the day your son or daughter was born.

Yet they are mended again, bcuz you know you gave them your ALL.

You did ALL within your power to raise them well.

You gave ALL within your ability to see to it that they wanted for nothing.

You risked ALL that you could to insure their protection from knowing that the world outside your home was much harsher than the imaginations which danced around as fantasy in their heads.

You did your best....

 

And now, your best has hopefully readied them to go out and begin the next chapter in the book of their own life.

You are proud to see how much they have grown, and can only trust that the seeds you planted and watered in them will fully flourish throughout their lives.

The Battlefield

 The mind is a battlefield

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I know you've heard it before

Enlisted as a soldier, a Sargent, a Colonel

When you didn't even sign up for war!

On the front lines 

You wait, until the order is made clear

Grappling with life; whether to live

Be a champion of challenge, or wave the white flag

Show your enemy, you are no longer resistive

But you can't do that!

No, the warrior in you won't let that slide

So, "you live to fight another day,"

Putting on heirs of bravery while being pummeled

Inside the front lines of your mind

Your field of operation is confronted daily

In a war which doesn't want to end

Forced to pull out all the secret weapons

Keep your head above the water

Overcome in simple seconds

Yes, the war is at full throttle

And you may be one solitude of many:

Pilot, Quartermaster, Field Artillery,

Military Police, Med Services & Infantry

Yet, there is a secret

Hidden away in smoke & mirrors

Trying to confuse what can so plainly be seen

You see YOU, YES-YOU

Have got what they call Triumphant Victory

This is the end to it all

The "Grande Finale"

And the crescendo of a theatrical symphony!

Not only do you win

But the POWER at work within

Gives you assurance of the mental enemy's

Constant defeat

A Moment in Time

A moment, not a step back

I will "keep,"

In the words of Walt Disney,

"Moving forward"

But if I could steal a moment

I would most certainly do that indeed

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Sitting on my grandmother's porch

Basking in the glow of the sun

Shinning down & caressing me with its warmth

I'm living it up in "Stick Town"

And Summer has made her welcome yet again

Five year-old me; slouched down in my seat

Staring out at trees

As skinny as I used to be

But I am happy 

Because this scene encompassed all I 

Thought I would ever need

The trees, the porch, the sunshine, and me

Long slender branches

Wave, standing tall as I dreamed for me

Claiming the name themselves

For which the town came to be

Sticks, everywhere

As far as my little eyes could see

Sprouting up to the heavens

And growing stronger every day 

The sun and sky would meet

Yet holding still, to a youth we both shared 

Not caring who's looking

Just happy to be right there

I'm not alone though

Besides the trees, my grandmother sits next to me

She to my right, my baby cousin on the left

We wear matching dresses

Checkered in white and green

Sewn together in love

With Grandma's own hand;

So strong, so loving

So soft, so lean

We sit together in peace

All taking in nature's magnetic scene

This right here;

That's it

The moment, the time

The scene

The company; a dream so real

If I could, I would

I'd take it, then move on

And get back to being me

Blackness White-Washed

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Why is there the need for me to explain away my blackness?

We are a group of one culture, but just as individual as we please.

To be ashamed of the color, the tone, and the race to which GOD made me

Well, that would be a “shame fo’ GOD”indeed

Who told you that the crafting of GOD’s work was something to be 

Made fun of, put down, accepted as the lowest underdog; suited only to look at others with eyes that beg and plead

To be apart of their acceptable nature; one that looks nothing like me?

I’m not explaining myself, for being myself, just because you feel it’s a need

Not for me no, but for you, to keep you, in your own mind superior, so you can look in the mirror & like what YOU see.

That picture, when I truly sit & think about it, is such a pity 

You need ME, my people, my color, my culture, to be lower than you, just so YOU can feel the slightest bit worthy

-Passion

Butterfly Love

Butterfly Love

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My love for you is more 

Than just the flutter of butterfly wings

In the pit of my stomach

It reaches far beyond the here and now

Connecting us to the heavenlies

Bound in one Spirit

We begin to soar together

Yet still being rooted in place

It has moved beyond the curses

Of the generations before us

Taking care to return the coupling

Of two to our unitary design

More than just the moment, the time,

The pouring out of a feeling from the heart

It is a second skin

Covering all the gaps

Left exposed in places 

Where old wounds can begin to mend

The flows of healing occurring

Time and time again

We may not always perceive to want this love

It is a heavy load; so hard to persevere

In the tumbling of life’s ever-blowing winds

The grip of our hands loosen in hope

They give up expectation that if they never

Let go, they could actually win

Running to find a place where solitude

Can offer a peace they can hide in

Yet, when I actually think about it,

And am asked would I trade it all in?

I can only say, if asked to do it over

My answer would be yes, time and time again