It all starts in your mind. Just a thought, in the wrong direction, of a person who is not your mate. Thoughts then become fantasies about what life would be like with this person. Those fantasies can lead to an ongoing pursuit of a social relationship with the object of your imaginations. Its been said that "affairs don't start in the bedroom, they start with a conversation."One word is all it takes to spark the flame and set the furnace of betrayal ablaze.
A flirty conversation may seem innocent at first, but when you're married, you have to picture if you would be having this conversation with the opposite sex in front of your spouse. If the answer is no, then you've already gone too far.
The Huffington Post says "an emotional fidelity is the hardest thing to build, and it takes the biggest toll on a relationship when it is betrayed." When bridges have been burned between two people, it takes both of them, working in sync, to rebuild the space that has grown. But, I believe it is the responsibility of the betrayer to see to it that the building project is complete.
An emotional connection with someone outside of your marriage runs deeper than the physical act of sex. This is why the affects are greater. Being on the receiving end of betrayal can feel like a continuous death; one you most certainly have to go through on a daily basis. Even if the couple decides to come back together and make it work, the one who has been betrayed is left with paranoia, lack of self esteem/confidence, and a conscious feeling of unworthiness. Of course, these feelings can be controlled by the individual, but they have also been fostered by the betrayer.
Its always hard to picture ourselves in someone else's shoes; especially when we've never experienced the same circumstance, but when the lines of betrayal have been crossed in your relationship, even the slightest movement back over that line can break down everything a couple may have worked hard to rebuild. Flirting with past behaviors and expecting your spouse should "trust you" simply because you say they should will not correct the past. Your actions have to far out shine your words. The real challenge comes when you're put in the same situation you were before you made the decision to step outside your marriage, but this time you choose to walk away.
Opportunities to cheat are almost promised. The way we react to them is dependent. What will you do when you're not satisfied in your relationship? Any relationship worth having will certainly have times when one or both partners is dissatisfied,and not happy. How will you react to another person who comes along and makes everything feel better for the moment. You know, the people who you feel can put a band aid over your knife wound. Because that's all they really are; a band aid. When it comes down to it, these people have not, and will not put up with the things that your spouse has over the years; nor will they have your back when it feels like the world is against it. They are a temporary fix to your ego (insecurity) problem.
There are a great many ways we expect to be treated by others. We want to know that we can rely on them to keep their word to us; most especially when those words are said in a vow. Its not surprising that most don't hold themselves to the same standard they expect from others. There is always an excuse to pardon their behavior, and its usually made so that the image they see in the mirror is easier to view. A great man once said' "you can make excuses, or you can make progress, but you can't make both." Make progress.
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