I
look to my left and I'm stumbling
I look to my right and I've been knocked back
I look down and I'm falling
When I finally look up I see how far it is I've yet
to go.
The cycles of a hard life
Up and down like a rollercoaster;
Feeling
unworthy to even feel
What is there to grieve over
When I'm still
eating?
Still healthy?
Still clothed?
Still fed?
Still cared for?
Still living?
I battle it out every day
With my own self
Today, it is my worst
enemy
Last night I cried like a new born baby
For what?
I could not yet lay my
finger on
Not even to point at one particular reason
There are many
I don't
often envision death:
Understanding when hard times come
When we are sinking
through life
Death, as an escape, is always a fleeting thought
But, last night
As I stared out of my window,
Into the glow of the moon,
Bouncing from waters
Illuminating fountains
That vision of loveliness
Set to be taken in
Its beauty
absorbed
Was not what I could see
No,
I saw a gun,
Fully loaded
Ready
Pointed right at me
With the
forefinger of my right hand
Gripping the trigger
It willfully pulled
The rush of escape flooded all
around me
Fleeing in my last breath
The tingle of freedom
The moment of rescue
from this
This thing called life
For a fraction of a minute
I was okay with that
A moment
longer than fleeting
Rested well with me
But...
Then a rush of pressure
Clamped down in my head
The tears running freely down my cheeks
Alerted the
sinuses within me
They stood up & rebelled
Tightening the ropes of
revolt
Against my nostrils
Taking charge, and stealing away my air
The pulse of my
heart pounded
An aching reminder
Flowing through my system
And into my eyes
Reaching its destination
At the center of my thoughts
The throbbing wage
of war
Took full affect
Convulsing through my limbs
Taking over my body
The song
of battle stole my attention
And I woke from my stupor of nothingness
Suddenly
reminded of my desire
To catch hold of my breath
I
hurt....
But if death felt like this,
I wanted no parts of it
NO!
I wanted to
live!
So, that's what I did
"When I need a shelter; when I need a friend, I go to The Rock."
photo provided by: www.stock.adobe.com
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