Mama’s Advice

Picture provided by: cosmopolitanme.com

 My Mama may have been right…..

 But I won’t tell her though

She warned me about you

Loving you

Letting you in to the deepest

Parts of me

Then watching as the years

With you began to strip

Away at all of me

My Mama may have been right

As much as I ignored her advice

I was too blinded by love 

To see

That in all my avoidance 

Of trying to find someone opposite

Of my daddy 

I ended up with the flip side 

Of the same penny

Sometimes I sit and wonder

Where the world I would be

If I took her advice back then

Would I have ever lost the woman

I used to be?

I miss her though….. The old me

So much, that bits and pieces 

Are slowly coming together

Until her form takes complete 

Shape inside my being

Mama may have been right

Her words fill my ears

With a consistent ringing

They take life as I observe each one

Be birthed in your ever-changing 

Personality 

Are you crazy? 

This used to be what kept me in place 

Trying to protect you from you 

Without the covering of 

Someone protecting me

Mama you might be right

I wonder should I have listened then

Because if I did not

The wonder would have been

On the opposite side of 

The neighborhood my mind 

Now lives in

And you would have been to me

A sweet, sweet, sweet fantasy 

A cherished memory

Who would have never done

What you have done to me

Hidden Truths

You may be baffled now

Or wonder how

I don’t cower 

When you let your inner bully out

If the truth was told

I’m  really not that bold

I just know you better

Than you think so

Puffed up, trying to be big

Acting mean

I’ve seen all of this before

To me it’s all the same

A man playing 

Child-like games

Throwing tantrums

And expecting me to bow in shame 

But if I’m being honest 

Even though you may be the strongest 

Fear of you just won’t take claim

You say you’re a man of humility 

Don’t want attention’s center

The limelight’s beam 

In my mind it’s all one big story

I see you,

Walking around 

Using alcohol so you can clown 

Without consequence

Boast 

without the truth being seen

You want every spot of the light

Every fear from the fight 

Me fleeing when you beat your chest 

So you can feel some kind of 

Vain victory…..

But I just can’t do it 

Can’t even muster the smallest 

Root from the smallest seed

So,

I’m sorry to tell you

You ain’t getting that from me

A Mended Broken Heart

To have your heart broken & mended in the same moment:

This is the only way I know to describe the feeling of watching your children grow into adulthood, and become less and less dependent upon you.

Our hearts as parents feel broken bcuz we suddenly have to say goodbye to the dynamic of family which has been built since the day your son or daughter was born.

Yet they are mended again, bcuz you know you gave them your ALL.

You did ALL within your power to raise them well.

You gave ALL within your ability to see to it that they wanted for nothing.

You risked ALL that you could to insure their protection from knowing that the world outside your home was much harsher than the imaginations which danced around as fantasy in their heads.

You did your best....

 

And now, your best has hopefully readied them to go out and begin the next chapter in the book of their own life.

You are proud to see how much they have grown, and can only trust that the seeds you planted and watered in them will fully flourish throughout their lives.