Marriage vs. Divorce

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The break up of a marriage is never a good thing.  We see it all he time on television.  They celebrate it with so-called "Divorce Parties,"  and make the destruction of a covenant relationship look like a cake walk.  In reality, its like experiencing death over and over again; especially for the one who does not want the marriage to end.

When we get married, we go into the relationship vowing to be joined together until death; and for the most part, the two who are joined together truly believe that's what they'll do. But what do you do when those feelings have been broken down from years of the responsibility to take care of family, go to work, pay bills, stretch your dollar to cover for a multitude of obligations that come along with having kids, and on top of that try and muster the energy to keep the relationship fresh? Things tend to get stale naturally after 10/20 years.  That's why they say marriage is work.  Then again, what if the relationship has been compromised by infidelity?

Once the trust is gone, many would say there's no reason to continue in the relationship.  Though those feelings can be justified, they may not necessarily be the right thing to do. Being Christian, I believe our first relationship is a marriage; one between us and God.  He ordained this covenant as an example of how he wants to relate to His people.  His plan sets up a blueprint for how we should treat the ones we chose to spend the rest of our lives with.

Imagine if we treated our relationships as if we were actually married to God in the place of the man or woman He gave to us in holy matrimony?  Would we be so quick to make the decision to divorce?  Of course not, because its God!  He never offends, never lets us down, and He will never betray us; though we do it to Him all the time.

Now if you're the spouse considering a divorce, because you have been wronged and feel justified in your decision; turn the tables on yourself.  In your marriage to God, you are the offender, and always have been.  You have betrayed His trust on countless occasions; yet there's still the expectation of forgiveness through repentance.  We go to Him each time we do Him wrong, and beg Him for a mercy we don't deserve; knowing deep down that we'll most surely hurt Him again in the future. What if God made the decision to divorce you?  He would be more than justified in that decision, but I know personally, I would fight tooth and nail for that not to happen. I also know that being full of love and mercy, He would give me more than enough chances to make things right.

For all my friends in the struggle between the decision to stay married, or get divorced, I know the feeling. It is a hard battle staying committed to someone who is seemingly not as committed to you.  Life does not promise a sea of rose petals to carry us through the beatitudes of marriage.  If we paid closer attention to our vows, we'd see that they say, "for better or worse."  It is in this "worse" that those beatitudes become real ugly, and not only your commitment to your word is tested, but so is your faith.

I remember while I was going through my own struggles, I used to talk to my pastor and have great expectations of the advice he would give me. The one thing he continued to stress used to irritate me, because I thought it was so generic. The words he said didn't seem to give me the strength I was searching for, yet he continued to tell me to, "hold on."  Just those two words, plus the direction to stay strong was what I got, and though I held on eagerly waiting for a profound speech which would magically take away all my problems; I never got it. First, because it was not my pastor's job to fix my life, and second because only God had the power to do what I was expecting from a man.

 I reflect back on those words now and see how much power they truly held.  If my pastor had not been so adamant in his repetition of the words, I may have done what came natural, and given up. I had certainly lost all hope, because it appeared that all hope was lost.

Even though my situation looked bleak, God had another plan.  His plan, as always, proved to be much better than my own.  I held on, and according to all who bore witness to my struggle, I stayed strong.  The power in those words was bigger than I gave them credit.  They are bigger than we give them credit.  These are the words I will pass on to those now in the struggle... Hold on...

Thank you Pastor



Reference Guide for Marriage:

1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Ephesians 5:22-33
The Book of Hosea

Links for Prayers and Casting Out Demons/Curses:

Cangodhealmarriages.christianfunfair.org/prayer-for-a-healed-marriage.htm

http://heavenbound5511.hubpages.com/hub/-BREAK-SENT-SPELLS-BREAK-CORDS-AND-BIND-UP-ALL-SPELLS-PLANS-Prayers

Girl Fights

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The other day, while I was in class,  I noticed a sort of tension among a few of the girls.  They were  carrying on like everything was fine while throwing blatant shade to one another.  I felt compelled to observe, just to see if I could gauge the root of why they seemed so upset.  You see these girls had been stuck to each other like white on rice since I started teaching in the classroom.  I thought to myself how sad it was really, because I could see past the facade they used to try and mask their true feelings, into what really matters; their hearts.

I stood back and watched as two young ladies, who are normally the best of friends, maneuver through the classroom trying to avoid making eye contact with the other.  One of the girls in particular, made a show of how angry she was by dramatically rolling her eyes every time she passed her former best-but-no-today-yet-will-be-tomorrow-friend.  As she took her seat, the girl sitting to her right whispered something in her ear (this third girl has been on the outs from the group for quite a while).  Both of them laughed,but dramatic girl made an extra showing, glancing in the direction of their now shared enemy.  I noticed that dramatic girl's laughter was beyond the tone one would expect from a whispered conversation. My guess was that her faux jubilence was a ploy to catch the attention of her former friend.

I sat and watched this display of drama unfolding before my eyes, and was taken back to a time when I was their age.  I remembered how me and my "friends" would argue, then stop talking just to go behind the other's back and blast them to whomever would listen. Though I was a participant and promoter of  the gossip, I still remember the tremendous hurt I felt as a result of the broken connection between me and my friend.

Having our feelings hurt is really the root cause of why we choose to react negatively when we feel we've been offended. We do anything we can to wrap a band aid around our hurt so we don't have to feel/deal with it; even to the point of lashing out at those we say we care about most.   I was able to see this being displayed in the dramatic girl's attitude.  She paced the room and made sizable gestures attempting to cover for the fact that she really just wanted to have her friend back.

Meanwhile, as far as I could see, her friend (though she may have been upset as well) held a cool head.  She did a good job at not letting anyone see her sweat.  From the outside looking in, most would consider her the "it" girl simply by the way she carries herself.  Full of grace, and always adorned in a warm smile, I could see why many would want to befriend her. The stylish clothes and pretty nails are just an added bonus to who she truly is. But even with all of the "it" girl's dazzling personality traits, my heart went out to the one who was dramatic. I could see how deeply affected she was by what she viewed as the end of their friendship.  I was led to encourage her to smile, not the fake "I'm fabulous and my lips are wrapping around my ears because I want everyone to think I am," cover up smile, instead of rolling her eyes, because everything would work out.

Sure enough, the next day the girls were back on good terms.  It was nice to see both girls smiling with each other.  I gave dramatic girl a knowing look, and she returned the favor.  We both grinned, hers growing a littler deeper as I passed her by and winked.  All was right with the world again.

Refections

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One day I saw a little girl
Whose life was incomplete
She searched to find the one who could
Make her broken ends meet

The knowledge of who she truly was
Had yet to be revealed
So she searched to see if one man could
break the pattern of its seal

She looked and looked, but could not find
One suited to meet her needs
The emptiness she felt inside
Continued to feed her grief

This girl she grew, and grew, and grew
Into what some would call full grown
But this little girl, she never could
Find a confidence all her own

She thought she'd found the only man
To make her heart complete
Her world it seemed surrounded in
A security oh so sweet

And then one day that man she found
Turned her world into a mess
She thought she'd never recover from
The failure of love's test

She looked into the mirror
And didn't like the reflection she'd seen
Crying out for God to help her
On His shoulder she heavily leaned

Then finally she gave up
Throwing her hands into the air
She stopped solving her own problems
And placed them all in the Master's care

He showed her who she truly was
And was really meant to be
Not some man's ever changing idea
Of what they call a fantasy

She opened up her eyes just then
And began to truly feel awake
He pieced together all the brokenness
And began to heal the ache

The mirror of reflections showed
God's loving and tender hand
He built in her a confidence which
She could trust and firmly stand

The Champion's Race

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Last night I had the privilege of watching my son fly.  By this I mean he was whipping across the track so fast, it seemed as if his feet had ventured up into the air with the currents of his speed and taken flight.

I get excited when I see him run.  It is in this experience that I can live for a moment.  For me, we merge as if I were him and he were me.  I'm not one of those parents who puts pressure on their child to do what I choose for him.  No, I have no desire to live vicariously that way.  But, I will say, it is exhilarating for me to watch my child choose to do something I was so passionate about when I was his age.

In  high school I wanted desperately to be apart of a sports team.  My gift was running and choreographing/performing dance, but my mother, who encouraged my gifts, also only wanted me to use them so long as I didn't have to travel away from town to compete.  This left me in quite the dilemma.  My passions desired to be expressed and bloom, but my mother would not allow them to grow outside of her grasp.  I won't deny that I became embittered by this; especially when my dance instructor called my mother directly to ask if I could join the drill team.  There would be no need for me to audition because the instructor/coach was so impressed with my abilities she automatically included me in the cut. All she needed was for my mother to give her the approval.

There was a deja vu experience in my head as I stood by and watched my instructor explain why I would be a good addition to the team.  Her head drooped, just a little bit, as she listened to my mother speak.  I could already see disappointment get up to walk over and make company with me yet again.

I had first become acquainted with disappointment, as it related to sports team participation, in junior high when I tried out for the track team, and made it, running just one second short of the fastest boy in school. I proudly carried the label of the fastest girl around as if I had already won the champion's medal.  When I got home, I told my mother what happened to me at school, fully expecting her to be as excited as I was.  She was excited until she learned I would have to travel out of town on occasion for the meets. The disappointment of chasing my track star dreams met me on that day.  I was bound to being on the sideline while my friends pursued the cut.

Now, I sit on the sidelines watching my child and feeling just as exhilarated as I was when my coach first told me she wanted me for her team.  The nerves in my legs come alive and spark the adrenaline over my whole body.  I can imagine my son's nerves doing the same thing as he makes his way to his mark. I'm propelled forward in a loud cheer as he leaps into action after the sound of the gun pierces the air. My heart pounds along with his as he passes swiftly by me, and races toward the finish line.  My breath is stolen away in awe as  my son steals the place of the runners he now transcends in speed.  Finally, the great rush of victory covers us like a warm blanket.  His triumph is mine as well. To me, he is the champion of champions, and the expression of my dream.  

Changing Seasons

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The seasons they change
They keep passing by and by
Burdens unreleased never lift
Nor do they become light

A weight so heavy
Hardly a breath to breathe
A lightless tunnel
Too deep to even see

What of these great burdens
I am determined to bear?
Pride will not lift them
And stubborn won't share

The seasons they change
Just like 1, 2, & 3
But theses shadows of pity
Refuse to set me free

Oceans of waves
Drown me with fear
Tried turning away
But the fear, its still here

Oh please God, please help me!
I'm spiraling down
My heart cries out broken
My world spins around

The seasons they change
For all who can see
I just wait for the day
Those seasons change me

The Bonds of Us

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Me and you, us two
We are a passionate duo
Embracing our love
And losing control

All our senses
Getting counted as loss
Pushing past those lines
We dare to cross

Blind to what is
Plainly seen
We tempt the heat
And play in its steam

A never-ending connection
Wrapped in circular degrees
That leads me back to you
And you back to me

Bent and shifted, never broken
Nor pulled from the other's grasp
A forceful shake of our foundation
Shows its built to last and last

Together we stand
United we grow
Despite toils and tribulations
Forever is all we know

Ugly Ways

Pretty little girls
With ugly ways
Can only go so far

Ugly little girls 
With pretty ways
Can get by on their charm

But Ugly little girls
With ugly ways
Have nowhere they can go

Life will offer them 
Its cruelest days
An unwelcome world to know

Eye rolls & swirly necks
An unacceptable hand to play
And loathsome company to keep

Fiery tongues
Cloaked in naughty words all day
An unfortunate adornment indeed

Their ugly ways
Will catch up to them & stay
That's most guaranteed

And while it runs
To reach its peak of hate
Noses turn from the stink

Her pretty has been buried so deep
Inside those ugly ways
It remains consistently unseen

Beauty may only run
As deep as the thinnest skin may
A mere fragment of an inch

But the ugliest ugly
Runs straight to the bone always
Just as dense as dense can be