April 22nd, 2021: The Journal Entry Series

Picture provided by: Amazon.com 

Worry. It has been one of my biggest enemies for as far back as I can remember. Since the time when I was a six year old latch-key kid coming in from school, and waiting for Mama to arrive from work. The window by the front door was where I used to post up, if even she were running a minute behind her usual time. The tears I cried were the fuel of my anxiety. I say, "God is working on me," in regards to why, some thirty-eight years later, I am still battling the same old spirit. It could easily be excused while still in childhood. No one expects you to know better. What about now though? Why has it not yet left me? Why do I continuously find myself holding close companionship with something that, if allowed its way, would kill me? 

 My imagination takes me away. I see freedom in the form of a beautiful butterfly. From the wide expanse of it's wings with their colorful skin crowned in captivating glory; no one would ever know that they came from a dark hollowed shell. Before their freedom, in fact, they were trapped, not just in the transformation shell, but inside a limited body, and under a different name. Yes, worry has entrapped me; prevented me from flying to my fullest potential. I can only wish to be inside the transformation shell now that I've not only entered adulthood, but have been a resident for many years. But worry has me stuck inside the limited caterpillar's body, and only able to crawl along at a snail's pace to freedom. 

 One day though, those wings that I hope for, will be more than just apart of a mental fantasy. They will be real; acquired, mine to keep. One day those wings will help me defeat this life-long enemy, and then I will truly be free.