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Have you ever been in love? If so, do you remember how it felt when it first happened? Many believe that love is just a feeling, but as you grow and mature, you learn that love is more than the butterflies you feel fluttering in your stomach when that special person walks into a room. Love is an action word. It is something that requires more than the sudden quickening of the heart. It is constant work, and many may not be equipped for the task.
I remember being in college, free from my parent's roof and rules for the first time. My mother had told me to keep myself free from the bonds of a relationship. I was young and just beginning my journey into adulthood. There would be plenty of time in the future for me to settle down, but for now I was to enjoy my freedom. I took that to heart, and fully expected to go out and get to know people on a different level than the ones that bound me to a commitment. This is not to say I planned on being "loose," I just wanted to date around without being tied to one person.
That all changed though, not long after I started my Freshman year. I met a guy who was a musician in our school's gospel choir. He was not what I would call conventionally handsome, but he had a good head on his shoulders, and he had goals I admired. The bonus to me was that he had his own apartment, and he was a very clean housekeeper; this showed a plus in his character.
I never expected to fall for this guy the way I did, and it happened so suddenly I didn't have a chance to try and resist it. One day I was lying around in my dorm room with nothing to do but think about him, and was hit by something I had never experienced before. It was as if it just dropped out of the sky and landed on me. I knew immediately that what I was experiencing were the first signs of love. I had found it in the most unexpected person, because when I entered the relationship with him, we both agreed that we would not get too serious. But there I was, spellbound, and totally smitten.
I told myself I would never admit how I felt to this guy. At the beginning of our relationship, he confessed to me that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, and at first, I was okay with that. Unbeknownst to him, he wasn't the only one I was dating. I knew though, that things were getting serious just as soon as I stopped seeing that other person, and started spending every free moment with him.
We carried on in our relationship as if we both felt the same way about each other, but I knew better. Like a fool, I continued seeing him, even though he told me that if it wasn't for his ex-girlfriend, I would be the one. That was him blatantly admitting I was second in his heart, and I allowed it because of my love for him. He did eventually come to learn of my feelings, but not through me. I had confessed this deep secret to who I believed was a trusted friend, and she soon went and told him what she promised me she never would. I knew his only source of knowing came from her, because not only had I not told him how I felt, I had not told anyone. It was a secret I kept close to my heart.
Everyone thought we were this happy couple, what with him coming to pick me up on Sundays to attend church with him, or bringing me and a friend to his apartment so that he could cook for us. He also helped me escape the tediousness of campus life by picking me up for movie nights at his house. My overnight bag stayed ready. We seemed happy, but on the inside I was miserable. With me being so new to love, I felt that if that was how love was; to place second in someone's life, then I didn't want any part of it.
I knew it was over one day when I called him and he told me he was sitting there with his ex-girlfriend. She was in town and wanted to see him, and he was all too eager to oblige her. I thought on this for a while, then realized it was time for me to let him go. The one thing I could be grateful for was the fact that I had never shared myself with him on a physical intimate level. It made the process of a break up a little easier; although it was still a struggle. He fought against it, and if I had given in, he would have won, but eventually, with my persistence, he was able to let me go. It was then that I met who would go on to become my husband, and who I call my one true love
With my husband, in the beginning stages of our romance, there was no second place. We were both caught up in that thing called love, and it seemed we couldn't get enough of each other. The broken pieces of my heart were gradually mending back together as I spent time in the company of who I now call my first TRUE love. There is no better feeling than the one you have when your love is reciprocated.
The beginning of our relationship was so passionate, I was almost overwhelmed by the intensity. Yes, we did follow the cliche acts of not being able to get off the phone with one another unless the other had counted to three, and then giggled when it didn't happen. We would even keep the line open just to hear the other breath while we took sporadic naps throughout our conversations. I was experiencing a security I had never known. Growing up in a single-parent home, with no active father in my life, I desired to have the male companionship that went along with the acceptance of who I was no matter what. I was grateful to be able to finally experience it with who I believed to be the man of my dreams.
In the beginning... Its a term one hears a lot in a relationship. In the beginning things were so beautiful. In the beginning he treated me like I was special. In the beginning he took me out more. In the beginning she used to cook for me all the time. In the beginning she dressed up more... Why is it that all the good stuff in a relationship always seems to happen "in the beginning?"
When my husband and I first got married, we set out with goals that would help deepen our bond throughout the years of marriage. The one thing we said we'd never consider was a divorce, but as time goes along and challenges face your relationship, divorce sometimes seems like a welcome relief as opposed to the pains of working on building a solid commitment with someone who no longer makes you happy.
Over time people change, some grow up, and others just seem to only grow old while trying to hang on to to a youth that has long since been fleeting. The powerful thing about choosing to stay when everything in you is telling you to run, is that you are able to overcome all the obstacles meant to not only tear apart your relationship, but tear you down as a person.
Character is built in the midst of adversity. How you handle the relationship you vow to stay bonded to "till death do you part," says a lot about who you are inside. Who is it you want to see staring back at you when you look in the mirror? Is it someone you can say fought as hard as they could with strength from God to defeat those things meant to break you down? Or is it someone who cowers at the face of adversity, and jumps on the first thing smoking out of the relationship?
I am the first to admit that fighting for a relationship is hard. It is taxing on the mind, and the heart, but you have to determine within yourself that it is worth it, because when its all said and done, it will be. The key is to re-do those things that you did IN THE BEGINNING. Its a practice which can easily become apart of the norm in your relationship if you set out to make it a priority. Practice makes better, and anything you do for 21 days becomes habit; habit in turn forms a part of our character, and the type of character you have determines the outcome of your future.
For those who long, like me, to experience the butterflies you had when you first fell in love with your mate; you can have that. You don't have to go out and find somebody else to do it either. Start with a new attitude, AND KEEP IT. Then exchange the things you're doing now for the ones you did to catch your mate's attention . IN THE BEGINNING. I promise you your relationship will feel brand new even with the same person if you do it right. Its all in the approach, and endurance you have to go along with it. Don't wait on the other person to change first. Start today with you.
With my husband, in the beginning stages of our romance, there was no second place. We were both caught up in that thing called love, and it seemed we couldn't get enough of each other. The broken pieces of my heart were gradually mending back together as I spent time in the company of who I now call my first TRUE love. There is no better feeling than the one you have when your love is reciprocated.
The beginning of our relationship was so passionate, I was almost overwhelmed by the intensity. Yes, we did follow the cliche acts of not being able to get off the phone with one another unless the other had counted to three, and then giggled when it didn't happen. We would even keep the line open just to hear the other breath while we took sporadic naps throughout our conversations. I was experiencing a security I had never known. Growing up in a single-parent home, with no active father in my life, I desired to have the male companionship that went along with the acceptance of who I was no matter what. I was grateful to be able to finally experience it with who I believed to be the man of my dreams.
In the beginning... Its a term one hears a lot in a relationship. In the beginning things were so beautiful. In the beginning he treated me like I was special. In the beginning he took me out more. In the beginning she used to cook for me all the time. In the beginning she dressed up more... Why is it that all the good stuff in a relationship always seems to happen "in the beginning?"
When my husband and I first got married, we set out with goals that would help deepen our bond throughout the years of marriage. The one thing we said we'd never consider was a divorce, but as time goes along and challenges face your relationship, divorce sometimes seems like a welcome relief as opposed to the pains of working on building a solid commitment with someone who no longer makes you happy.
Over time people change, some grow up, and others just seem to only grow old while trying to hang on to to a youth that has long since been fleeting. The powerful thing about choosing to stay when everything in you is telling you to run, is that you are able to overcome all the obstacles meant to not only tear apart your relationship, but tear you down as a person.
Character is built in the midst of adversity. How you handle the relationship you vow to stay bonded to "till death do you part," says a lot about who you are inside. Who is it you want to see staring back at you when you look in the mirror? Is it someone you can say fought as hard as they could with strength from God to defeat those things meant to break you down? Or is it someone who cowers at the face of adversity, and jumps on the first thing smoking out of the relationship?
I am the first to admit that fighting for a relationship is hard. It is taxing on the mind, and the heart, but you have to determine within yourself that it is worth it, because when its all said and done, it will be. The key is to re-do those things that you did IN THE BEGINNING. Its a practice which can easily become apart of the norm in your relationship if you set out to make it a priority. Practice makes better, and anything you do for 21 days becomes habit; habit in turn forms a part of our character, and the type of character you have determines the outcome of your future.
For those who long, like me, to experience the butterflies you had when you first fell in love with your mate; you can have that. You don't have to go out and find somebody else to do it either. Start with a new attitude, AND KEEP IT. Then exchange the things you're doing now for the ones you did to catch your mate's attention . IN THE BEGINNING. I promise you your relationship will feel brand new even with the same person if you do it right. Its all in the approach, and endurance you have to go along with it. Don't wait on the other person to change first. Start today with you.
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