History Repeats

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'There is nothing new under the sun.  What has been done will be done again.  History merely repeats itself.'  These are the words of King Solomon, considered to be the wisest man who ever lived, written in the book of Ecclesiastes verse 1:9 of the Bible.  I pondered on this as I sat and watched a documentary hosted by Duck Dynasty's patriarch, Phil Robertson, called Torch Bearer.

In this film, which premiered at the Cannes film festival last year, he brings to light the debauchery resulting from mankind's own self focus.  The film shows us a time line of warfare, and the fall of man, dating back to:  Adam and Eve, The Roman Empire, Christ's death, burial, and resurrection, the genocide of the Jews during Hitler's rule, the Civil Rights Movement, and on into the recent wars we've suffered through in today's society.

Sitting on the sofa, in my living room, with my family and watching this documentary,  I realized the things I see on the nightly news today should not necessarily be so shocking that they are burdensome to my inner peace.  Looking over time shows these things are to be expected because man has not changed since the beginning of his fall. Phil Robertson said that "man left to himself begins to turn inwardly and eventually becomes his own god." I remembered then, a book I read about the life of Adolf Hitler, who was raised by a strictly religious mother, but eventually grew away from the faith he had been guided to follow, and claimed himself to be the "Messiah," at the height of his rule.

Adolf Hitler truly believed himself to be a sort of divine being simply because he was a man who had no one to contest him in his proclamation.

In the Garden of Eden, Eve believed she could eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and know as much as God in Heaven. In other words, though God had strictly forbidden she and Adam not to eat the fruit of this tree, she wanted to be her own type of god by following her own desires.  She too, did not have Adam to contest her decision to commit the first sin, therefore; setting in motion the process of mankind's consistent downward spiral.

Osama Bin Laden felt he was actually doing the work of God by eliminating as many American lives as his resources allowed during the attack on the two towers of the World Trade Center, and the Pentagon on September 11th, 2001. Having much support from his followers in a terrorist group called the Al Quaida, Bin Laden felt uncontested in his deadly efforts.  By taking it upon himself to determine the fate of many American lives, and saying they no longer mattered enough to continue living, he made himself into a sort of god.

We honor people like Christopher Columbus with a holiday set aside to remember his contributions, as if he were some sort of hero.  If you really take a look at Mr. Columbus, and the evils he committed, which have been deliberately swept under the rug, you will see that he was not a person of such honorable character.  Yes, indeed Columbus decided to become his own type of god in a sense, and determine the destiny of the natives living in America at the time of his "so-called" discovery. He went as far as to kill infant children by taking them by the legs and bashing their bodies against the stones. We all know that America was overtaken by Columbus and his country, even after being given a welcome to come in and share from the natives.  They believed no land should be owned by man because it belonged to everyone.   In history it is said that the land was colonized with his arrival, but how is a country colonized when there are already citizens who have established the it?

Its been said in every generation from old to young, children no longer respect the authority given to help keep them in line.  My mother told me this, and now I tell it to my own children.  I want to ensure they don't adopt the "entitlement" attitude I see demonstrated in many of the students at my school, because I know where it can lead.  As a whole, we need discipline, and that need doesn't go away when we become adults. If we are not held accountable to our actions, we are liable to eventually self-destruct.

There are many in this world who have the potential to self-destruct, though they may not have done the things identical to the aforementioned people in this article. Those who would rather weed out the ones in their lives who push them to do better by telling them things they may not necessarily always want to hear, have a tendency to govern themselves, and decide what rules they want to follow.  Usually these rules are judged on a curve because we always give ourselves more allowances than we do others. But why hold everyone else to a higher standard than we do ourselves?

Man, left alone to the depravity of his mind, will turn back to the ways of his nature.  This natural way of doing things is sadly comparable to a beast in the wild. We need others who will help to keep us accountable to our actions, and encourage us to push through our fears. If we don't have these people we are otherwise destined to self-destruct.

Pride & Insignificance

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You came in drunk last night
And I let you down talk me
Like a fool, I took it
But like a saint, I held my tongue
Keeping inside those things I may regret

I'm weighted down
By the anvils of misery you impose
I want to run
But the strength of my devotion
Keeps me anchored to you
Why?

I dredge through the sludge of sorrow
You seem to promise
Trying to save you,
But hoping you'll turn around
And save me too

The pain inflicted by your words
Seeps down into my every pore
I can feel them bleeding tears of agony
Every time you remind me
How you view my presence so insignificantly

Pride is a powerful tool
And its taken over your mind
But I'm bound to the man you used to be
Hoping he'll show up at any time
I guess this is the anchor which keeps me by your side

One day though,
This well of tears will wash up
Then go dry
And everything I hold back
Will come out
From the places they hide

Marriage vs. Divorce

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The break up of a marriage is never a good thing.  We see it all he time on television.  They celebrate it with so-called "Divorce Parties,"  and make the destruction of a covenant relationship look like a cake walk.  In reality, its like experiencing death over and over again; especially for the one who does not want the marriage to end.

When we get married, we go into the relationship vowing to be joined together until death; and for the most part, the two who are joined together truly believe that's what they'll do. But what do you do when those feelings have been broken down from years of the responsibility to take care of family, go to work, pay bills, stretch your dollar to cover for a multitude of obligations that come along with having kids, and on top of that try and muster the energy to keep the relationship fresh? Things tend to get stale naturally after 10/20 years.  That's why they say marriage is work.  Then again, what if the relationship has been compromised by infidelity?

Once the trust is gone, many would say there's no reason to continue in the relationship.  Though those feelings can be justified, they may not necessarily be the right thing to do. Being Christian, I believe our first relationship is a marriage; one between us and God.  He ordained this covenant as an example of how he wants to relate to His people.  His plan sets up a blueprint for how we should treat the ones we chose to spend the rest of our lives with.

Imagine if we treated our relationships as if we were actually married to God in the place of the man or woman He gave to us in holy matrimony?  Would we be so quick to make the decision to divorce?  Of course not, because its God!  He never offends, never lets us down, and He will never betray us; though we do it to Him all the time.

Now if you're the spouse considering a divorce, because you have been wronged and feel justified in your decision; turn the tables on yourself.  In your marriage to God, you are the offender, and always have been.  You have betrayed His trust on countless occasions; yet there's still the expectation of forgiveness through repentance.  We go to Him each time we do Him wrong, and beg Him for a mercy we don't deserve; knowing deep down that we'll most surely hurt Him again in the future. What if God made the decision to divorce you?  He would be more than justified in that decision, but I know personally, I would fight tooth and nail for that not to happen. I also know that being full of love and mercy, He would give me more than enough chances to make things right.

For all my friends in the struggle between the decision to stay married, or get divorced, I know the feeling. It is a hard battle staying committed to someone who is seemingly not as committed to you.  Life does not promise a sea of rose petals to carry us through the beatitudes of marriage.  If we paid closer attention to our vows, we'd see that they say, "for better or worse."  It is in this "worse" that those beatitudes become real ugly, and not only your commitment to your word is tested, but so is your faith.

I remember while I was going through my own struggles, I used to talk to my pastor and have great expectations of the advice he would give me. The one thing he continued to stress used to irritate me, because I thought it was so generic. The words he said didn't seem to give me the strength I was searching for, yet he continued to tell me to, "hold on."  Just those two words, plus the direction to stay strong was what I got, and though I held on eagerly waiting for a profound speech which would magically take away all my problems; I never got it. First, because it was not my pastor's job to fix my life, and second because only God had the power to do what I was expecting from a man.

 I reflect back on those words now and see how much power they truly held.  If my pastor had not been so adamant in his repetition of the words, I may have done what came natural, and given up. I had certainly lost all hope, because it appeared that all hope was lost.

Even though my situation looked bleak, God had another plan.  His plan, as always, proved to be much better than my own.  I held on, and according to all who bore witness to my struggle, I stayed strong.  The power in those words was bigger than I gave them credit.  They are bigger than we give them credit.  These are the words I will pass on to those now in the struggle... Hold on...

Thank you Pastor



Reference Guide for Marriage:

1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Ephesians 5:22-33
The Book of Hosea

Links for Prayers and Casting Out Demons/Curses:

Cangodhealmarriages.christianfunfair.org/prayer-for-a-healed-marriage.htm

http://heavenbound5511.hubpages.com/hub/-BREAK-SENT-SPELLS-BREAK-CORDS-AND-BIND-UP-ALL-SPELLS-PLANS-Prayers

Girl Fights

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The other day, while I was in class,  I noticed a sort of tension among a few of the girls.  They were  carrying on like everything was fine while throwing blatant shade to one another.  I felt compelled to observe, just to see if I could gauge the root of why they seemed so upset.  You see these girls had been stuck to each other like white on rice since I started teaching in the classroom.  I thought to myself how sad it was really, because I could see past the facade they used to try and mask their true feelings, into what really matters; their hearts.

I stood back and watched as two young ladies, who are normally the best of friends, maneuver through the classroom trying to avoid making eye contact with the other.  One of the girls in particular, made a show of how angry she was by dramatically rolling her eyes every time she passed her former best-but-no-today-yet-will-be-tomorrow-friend.  As she took her seat, the girl sitting to her right whispered something in her ear (this third girl has been on the outs from the group for quite a while).  Both of them laughed,but dramatic girl made an extra showing, glancing in the direction of their now shared enemy.  I noticed that dramatic girl's laughter was beyond the tone one would expect from a whispered conversation. My guess was that her faux jubilence was a ploy to catch the attention of her former friend.

I sat and watched this display of drama unfolding before my eyes, and was taken back to a time when I was their age.  I remembered how me and my "friends" would argue, then stop talking just to go behind the other's back and blast them to whomever would listen. Though I was a participant and promoter of  the gossip, I still remember the tremendous hurt I felt as a result of the broken connection between me and my friend.

Having our feelings hurt is really the root cause of why we choose to react negatively when we feel we've been offended. We do anything we can to wrap a band aid around our hurt so we don't have to feel/deal with it; even to the point of lashing out at those we say we care about most.   I was able to see this being displayed in the dramatic girl's attitude.  She paced the room and made sizable gestures attempting to cover for the fact that she really just wanted to have her friend back.

Meanwhile, as far as I could see, her friend (though she may have been upset as well) held a cool head.  She did a good job at not letting anyone see her sweat.  From the outside looking in, most would consider her the "it" girl simply by the way she carries herself.  Full of grace, and always adorned in a warm smile, I could see why many would want to befriend her. The stylish clothes and pretty nails are just an added bonus to who she truly is. But even with all of the "it" girl's dazzling personality traits, my heart went out to the one who was dramatic. I could see how deeply affected she was by what she viewed as the end of their friendship.  I was led to encourage her to smile, not the fake "I'm fabulous and my lips are wrapping around my ears because I want everyone to think I am," cover up smile, instead of rolling her eyes, because everything would work out.

Sure enough, the next day the girls were back on good terms.  It was nice to see both girls smiling with each other.  I gave dramatic girl a knowing look, and she returned the favor.  We both grinned, hers growing a littler deeper as I passed her by and winked.  All was right with the world again.

Refections

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One day I saw a little girl
Whose life was incomplete
She searched to find the one who could
Make her broken ends meet

The knowledge of who she truly was
Had yet to be revealed
So she searched to see if one man could
break the pattern of its seal

She looked and looked, but could not find
One suited to meet her needs
The emptiness she felt inside
Continued to feed her grief

This girl she grew, and grew, and grew
Into what some would call full grown
But this little girl, she never could
Find a confidence all her own

She thought she'd found the only man
To make her heart complete
Her world it seemed surrounded in
A security oh so sweet

And then one day that man she found
Turned her world into a mess
She thought she'd never recover from
The failure of love's test

She looked into the mirror
And didn't like the reflection she'd seen
Crying out for God to help her
On His shoulder she heavily leaned

Then finally she gave up
Throwing her hands into the air
She stopped solving her own problems
And placed them all in the Master's care

He showed her who she truly was
And was really meant to be
Not some man's ever changing idea
Of what they call a fantasy

She opened up her eyes just then
And began to truly feel awake
He pieced together all the brokenness
And began to heal the ache

The mirror of reflections showed
God's loving and tender hand
He built in her a confidence which
She could trust and firmly stand

The Champion's Race

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Last night I had the privilege of watching my son fly.  By this I mean he was whipping across the track so fast, it seemed as if his feet had ventured up into the air with the currents of his speed and taken flight.

I get excited when I see him run.  It is in this experience that I can live for a moment.  For me, we merge as if I were him and he were me.  I'm not one of those parents who puts pressure on their child to do what I choose for him.  No, I have no desire to live vicariously that way.  But, I will say, it is exhilarating for me to watch my child choose to do something I was so passionate about when I was his age.

In  high school I wanted desperately to be apart of a sports team.  My gift was running and choreographing/performing dance, but my mother, who encouraged my gifts, also only wanted me to use them so long as I didn't have to travel away from town to compete.  This left me in quite the dilemma.  My passions desired to be expressed and bloom, but my mother would not allow them to grow outside of her grasp.  I won't deny that I became embittered by this; especially when my dance instructor called my mother directly to ask if I could join the drill team.  There would be no need for me to audition because the instructor/coach was so impressed with my abilities she automatically included me in the cut. All she needed was for my mother to give her the approval.

There was a deja vu experience in my head as I stood by and watched my instructor explain why I would be a good addition to the team.  Her head drooped, just a little bit, as she listened to my mother speak.  I could already see disappointment get up to walk over and make company with me yet again.

I had first become acquainted with disappointment, as it related to sports team participation, in junior high when I tried out for the track team, and made it, running just one second short of the fastest boy in school. I proudly carried the label of the fastest girl around as if I had already won the champion's medal.  When I got home, I told my mother what happened to me at school, fully expecting her to be as excited as I was.  She was excited until she learned I would have to travel out of town on occasion for the meets. The disappointment of chasing my track star dreams met me on that day.  I was bound to being on the sideline while my friends pursued the cut.

Now, I sit on the sidelines watching my child and feeling just as exhilarated as I was when my coach first told me she wanted me for her team.  The nerves in my legs come alive and spark the adrenaline over my whole body.  I can imagine my son's nerves doing the same thing as he makes his way to his mark. I'm propelled forward in a loud cheer as he leaps into action after the sound of the gun pierces the air. My heart pounds along with his as he passes swiftly by me, and races toward the finish line.  My breath is stolen away in awe as  my son steals the place of the runners he now transcends in speed.  Finally, the great rush of victory covers us like a warm blanket.  His triumph is mine as well. To me, he is the champion of champions, and the expression of my dream.  

Changing Seasons

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The seasons they change
They keep passing by and by
Burdens unreleased never lift
Nor do they become light

A weight so heavy
Hardly a breath to breathe
A lightless tunnel
Too deep to even see

What of these great burdens
I am determined to bear?
Pride will not lift them
And stubborn won't share

The seasons they change
Just like 1, 2, & 3
But theses shadows of pity
Refuse to set me free

Oceans of waves
Drown me with fear
Tried turning away
But the fear, its still here

Oh please God, please help me!
I'm spiraling down
My heart cries out broken
My world spins around

The seasons they change
For all who can see
I just wait for the day
Those seasons change me

The Bonds of Us

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Me and you, us two
We are a passionate duo
Embracing our love
And losing control

All our senses
Getting counted as loss
Pushing past those lines
We dare to cross

Blind to what is
Plainly seen
We tempt the heat
And play in its steam

A never-ending connection
Wrapped in circular degrees
That leads me back to you
And you back to me

Bent and shifted, never broken
Nor pulled from the other's grasp
A forceful shake of our foundation
Shows its built to last and last

Together we stand
United we grow
Despite toils and tribulations
Forever is all we know

Ugly Ways

Pretty little girls
With ugly ways
Can only go so far

Ugly little girls 
With pretty ways
Can get by on their charm

But Ugly little girls
With ugly ways
Have nowhere they can go

Life will offer them 
Its cruelest days
An unwelcome world to know

Eye rolls & swirly necks
An unacceptable hand to play
And loathsome company to keep

Fiery tongues
Cloaked in naughty words all day
An unfortunate adornment indeed

Their ugly ways
Will catch up to them & stay
That's most guaranteed

And while it runs
To reach its peak of hate
Noses turn from the stink

Her pretty has been buried so deep
Inside those ugly ways
It remains consistently unseen

Beauty may only run
As deep as the thinnest skin may
A mere fragment of an inch

But the ugliest ugly
Runs straight to the bone always
Just as dense as dense can be

Affects of an Affair

It all starts in your mind. Just a thought, in the wrong direction, of a person who is not your mate. Thoughts then become fantasies about what life would be like with this person.  Those fantasies can lead to an ongoing pursuit of a social relationship with the object of your imaginations.  Its been said that "affairs don't start in the bedroom, they start with a conversation."One word is all it takes to spark the flame and set the furnace of betrayal ablaze.

A flirty conversation may seem innocent at first, but when you're married,  you have to picture if you would be having this conversation with the opposite sex in front of your spouse. If the answer is no, then you've already gone too far.

The Huffington Post says "an emotional fidelity is the hardest thing to build, and it takes the biggest toll on a relationship when it is betrayed." When bridges have been burned between two people, it takes both of them, working in sync, to rebuild the space that has grown. But, I believe it is the responsibility of the betrayer to see to it that the building project is complete.  

An emotional connection with someone outside of your marriage runs deeper than the physical act of sex. This is why the affects are greater.  Being on the receiving end of betrayal can feel like a continuous death; one you  most certainly have to go through on a daily basis. Even if the couple decides to come back together and make it work, the one who has been betrayed is left with paranoia, lack of self esteem/confidence, and a conscious feeling of unworthiness.  Of course, these feelings can be controlled by the individual, but they have also been fostered by the betrayer. 

Its always hard to picture ourselves in someone else's shoes; especially when we've never experienced the same circumstance, but when the lines of betrayal have been crossed in your relationship, even the slightest movement back over that line can break down everything a couple may have worked hard to rebuild. Flirting with past behaviors and expecting your spouse should "trust you" simply because you say they should will not correct the past.  Your actions have to far out shine your words.  The real challenge comes when you're put in the same situation you were before you made the decision to step outside your marriage, but this time you choose to walk away.  

Opportunities to cheat are almost promised.  The way we react to them is dependent.  What will you do when you're not satisfied in your relationship?  Any relationship worth having will certainly have times when one or both partners is dissatisfied,and not happy.  How will you react to another person who comes along and makes everything feel better for the moment.  You know, the people who you feel can put a band aid over your knife wound.  Because that's all they really are; a band aid.  When it comes down to it, these people have not, and will not put up with the things that your spouse has over the years; nor will they have your back when it feels like the world is against it.   They are a temporary fix to your ego (insecurity) problem.  

There are a great many ways we expect to be treated by others.  We want to know that we can rely on them to keep their word to us; most especially when those words are said in a vow.  Its not surprising that most don't hold themselves to the same standard they expect from others. There is always an excuse to pardon their behavior, and its usually made so that the image they see in the mirror is easier to view. A great man once said' "you can make excuses, or you can make progress, but you can't make both." Make progress.

Trust & Honesty

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My trust flows freely
Whenever I know its true
That your love for me
Is as deep as your love for you

Honesty & trust,
Two things we've lost over time
And had to readjust
Our hearts to beat the same rhyme

Many bridges were broken
Some indefinitely
But we keep paddling and stroking
Across the river called trustworthy

When storms come along
And rock our boat in the water
Will we make it out strong?
Will we paddle even harder?

I get angry at the waves
They are bound to make me see
How ornery life behaves
When we step away from honesty

Self Manipulation

picture provided by: Pilgrim Studios

The other day a coworker asked me if I believed masturbation was a sin. She asked this because of a post one of her friends made on a social media site stating that she believed the act was a necessary choice one made to help in the process of celibacy.  She compared masturbation to vegetarianism; where a man or woman would refrain from having sex with another person in the same way a vegetarian chooses to either only eat poultry and fish, or cut our meat all-together and include dairy their diet instead. My answer to her could be considered a broad one by many standards.  I believe although this personal act of self-manipulation can feel natural to most, it is not one all can handle, therefore; may be a sin for some.

So is masturbation really a sin?  It’s a question I’ve asked God myself.  Though in the Bible it doesn’t come out and directly say it is, there are many factors involved which can relate it to a sinful act.  In Matthew 5:27-29 Jesus says that, “anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her (or lustfully) has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  This statement is directed toward men, but can also be used when women are looking at men lustfully.   In this way I feel that the act of self-manipulation is a sin, because for many there is no masturbation without the presence of some type of stimulation.  A large percent of people find this in pornography, or in the sexual imaginations of someone they are attracted to. 

My pastor once hinted at the subject during a sermon about marriage.  I can remember sitting in audience thinking, “Finally, I can get my question answered,” but afterward was still left in a sort of fog.  I wanted him to talk more about this subject which naturally seems so taboo, because I’d rather have advice from a more spiritually educated perspective.  What I can remember taking away from his sermon was that it was not a matter of the act, so long as you were thinking about your husband or wife, but a matter of where the act could lead. 

There are instances where this act can become an addiction, and the person finds themselves in a situation where they are no longer able to control the urge to self-manipulate.  In this way, masturbation becomes more of a drug that one uses to gain the euphoric feeling which comes along with the gratification.  Others may find it an easy outlet to gain access to those in the fantasy world whom they would normally not have the same freedoms with in reality.

If you are able to keep your thoughts in control, and they do not wander to persons outside the bonds of marriage, then masturbation, I believe is not a sin for you.  But if you are among a great portion of human beings who find it hard to commit the act without the consistent stimulation of a source outside of matrimony, then masturbation would most definitely be a sin.  After reading passages in the Bible to try and wrap my mind around how the Christian view on this subject would be, this is the conclusion I have come to, and it is the answer I gave to my coworker. My hope is that it cleared some of the clouds from the fog she had in her mind than it did for me when I first started asking the question. 

Elected Trouble

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Oh what a world we live in, now that Real Estate Mogul, Donald Trump is called the President of the United States, and the supposed leader of the free world.  The whole ordeal feels like a joke, or better yet, a bad dream which has made its way on to the scene of reality.  The country has been exposed to more than its share of warnings through mass media, rumor, and the words from this man's own mouth, about how crucial our decisions can be.  What direction will we be taken in under the direction of Trump’s leadership? My hope is that we are not a sinking Titanic, with the promise of greatness, but a destiny to fail.  How can a man who has no political background run an entire country?

The 2017 presidential election carried its campaign on the premise of the people’s deep seeded emotions. It’s just too bad those emotions were steeped in hate. Rumors have swirled about someone out of Russia hacking into America’s most confidential computer files and boosting the votes from the Electoral College in Trump’s favor.  It has also been said that Trump received a good portion of his support from the people who reside in the ‘backwoods’ of the nation, and hate groups like the KKK.  I must say that when someone like David Duke, a former grand wizard in the KKK steps up to publicly show his support for Trump, it seems a bit suspicious.  David Duke, a leading voice in a group of neo-Nazi-type Holocaust deniers, has himself been elected to the Louisiana state House of Representatives. It begs one to wonder what direction the government wants to take this country in. Are Latin people to be rounded up and detained?  The women freely fondled and harassed?  Will Muslims still find themselves under the eye of suspicion, and Blacks continually be oppressed?

I struggle though, to fully blame racist for their ignorant points of view. They were once impressionable children who knew no hate. But these impressionable children fell under the influence of hate-filled parents who chose to live their lives inside of such a taxing burden.  I can’t imagine why we call ourselves “the land of the free” when those who consider themselves the “majority” still live in chains. Yes, hate is a burden that keeps you bound in the prison of bitterness which steels every bit of joy you can have when compared to choosing the freedom in giving love instead.

I’ve been around my share of hateful people, and they all seem to share one thing in common; they are all so angry. I’m left to wonder if they are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  “Racism is so universal in this country, so widespread, and deep-seated, that it is invisible because it is so normal.”-Shirley Chisholm. Will they build a mental facility big enough to house all of America’s racist when the weight of their abhorrence comes crumbling down?

We have now put into office a good representation of what goes on in the minds of the people in this country: lack of self-control, boastful loathing, a lofty thinking of oneself, and an agenda based solely to benefit the security and justice of those who view themselves as a type of deity above the rest of the nation.

History has been revised enough by government to allow for a biased way of thinking. This leads to a patriotism that is neither based on truth nor reality. I do have to say, the American system of government has done a fine job of being cunning enough to drive an educational and mass media system set up to shift the minds of its people so they truly believe they live in a nation who fights for each individual’s liberty and justice.  In truth, the system is set us to promote a false patriotism so that their ideals are established, and their crimes are protected and covered. One nation, who pushes out God, divisible, with liberty and justice for some.