Relationships

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Relationships are hard.  I am a testament to that. You can be in your world thinking everything is fine, and walking around as happy as a lark, then BOOM!.  Suddenly, the person in the relationship with you blows up your spot, and that happy world you thought you were in turns dark.

A few months back I wrote a story about struggling with depression.  I wrote this because  I am married to someone who does, and I wanted to draw awareness to the seriousness of the condition.  Sometimes, for those who struggle with it, they unknowingly cause destructive situations for themselves and the ones they love.  This pattern of destruction is never intentional, even though it may feel like it, but it is something that, for them, is hard to control.  So for the person in the relationship with one who struggles with anxiety and depression, your level of strength has to be enough to carry both you and your partner during those times when they aren't strong enough to carry their own weight.

In the beginning everything is SO right.  You sign on to spending your time with someone you can't imagine a life without.  It all seems feasible, and if you decide to get married, "till death do us part," doesn't seem like enough time.

I remember years ago, when my husband and I first got married, we were driving into San Antonio from Dallas to honeymoon.  To this day, I can't tell you how we got started, but from the time we got into the car to head out, until we pulled into the parking lot at our hotel in San Antonio, we argued like cats and dogs.  I can't even remember why we were arguing, it just seemed like one argument led to another, and on that trip we had many.  I can tell you that the minute we stepped out of the car my husband told me, "Lets not argue any more. Lets just have fun," and we did.  We stayed out all night long doing everything we wanted and just enjoying each other's company.  It was one of the best times in my life.

I think it says something when couples argue and can't remember what they were arguing about, but then can turn around and tell you every detail of the good times they had together.  It is the good times that count the most. It has been 18 years since that day, and both me and my husband still laugh about our experience there in San Antonio, bonding together on a deeper level.

I'd like to say my husband and I are very passionate people. We are driven by it. It is the force behind many of our disagreements, but it is also the driving force behind what makes us work hard to achieve our goals. One of those goals was to always stay together no matter what; and absolutely NOT, under any circumstance, mention, or even consider the "D" word. Divorce.  It just wasn't going to be an option.

What a difference years can make though, as you go along in your marriage relationship.  All of those goals you set out to achieve in the beginning, and we had a lot more to add to the first one, dwindle over time when you add in kids, job stress, and the regular every day issues of life.

My husband was diagnosed with depression after many years into our marriage.  I had never before associated his outburst of anger with a chemical imbalance in the brain.  They didn't happen very often, as my husband was typically a man to make peace.  He was the one who could be found making the first move to apologize, or as others so often refer to it, "be the bigger person."

He was always overly concerned with how his words may affect someone, so he chose them wisely as a result.  This was the man I knew and fell in love with, but I have to admit, there were times in our relationship that I took advantage of his gift of peace making during the very few  disagreements he and I had. .

There is a saying that goes, "All relationships go through hell, but those that are real (meant to be) get through it."  Sometimes we may wonder, in the middle of our difficulties, if it is destined to be.  Some may even see a future together as bleak.  Things like a betrayal of trust,  financial troubles, the inability to communicate how you truly feel (irreconcilable differences), or physical abuse loot divorce documents in our nation's court system daily.  They are even, under certain circumstances, good reasons for couples to go their separate ways; most especially the last one. These things are building blocks which contribute to the wall already being built between the two people inside the relationship, and when there is a marriage between the two, especially one involving children, bringing the relationship to an end becomes all the more complicated.

So how does that wall in the relationship get misplaced and go up between the couple instead of around them?  The answer is simple... There were two people who entered the relationship when it started, and there are two people building on the wall together.  How you build is what makes the difference.

We allow more bricks to stack up when we refuse to deal with our true issues.  We allow them to mess up our way of thinking, our commitment to the other,  and compromise our values.  We try and solve these issues by buying into our comfort habits instead of facing the storm head on. For some, comfort habits can look like shopping your way into debt, and for others it may be turning to someone else and hoping they can medicate your troubles by helping you escape them inside the comfort of their arms.  These things are never the right answer to a temporary problem, but they can turn what's temporary into a permanent end.

My husband and I have dealt with many issues designed to break us apart, but yet we still remain.  Recently we celebrated 18 years of marriage on 9/12/2016, and I have to admit that it is only because we take it day-by-day.

 I don't feel that I can necessarily give advice on how to have a successful marriage, because I don't always have one.  I myself wonder sometimes what the future holds for me and my husband; when ten years ago, I would never have even considered the thought.  What I can say is, if you are with the one you know you are supposed to be with, and you've faced challenges that make you want to run, DON'T.  Pray to God for direction; fight as hard as you can, not only for yourself, but for your partner; stick around because things do change, and block out the advice of those who don't have your best interest at heart. In doing all of this though, you must also remember that you can't fight alone.  It takes both people in the relationship to win, and neither can give up on the other.

For those who are connected to someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, your fight is going to have to be even stronger, because there will be times where they will try to push you away on purpose, so build your muscles.  Some of those things are out of their control, and when its all said and done, they really don't mean for you to leave. Read your Bible. You'd be surprised how many scriptures hit on just what your going through.  Be the mental strength for the one you love during those times they are too weak to have strength on their own.  They need you; more in the bad times than in the good.

The Infamous Murderer

Apparently George Zimmerman is back in the news trying to cling to every last extended fifteen minutes of infamousy he can get.  According to witnesses, he had been in a restaurant with a friend bragging about being Trayvon Martin's killer.  When authorities were called, Zimmerman said that he had been attacked while having a conversation with another patron in the restaurant, but on further investigation, and witness testimony, he was actually heard giving the patron a compliment on his tattoos, and trying to gain recognition by saying, "I'm George Zimmerman, you know, the one who killed Trayvon Martin."

I don't know if he expected to get a high five for that, but what I do know is that another patron walked up, upon hearing him, and punched him in the face. Now it must be said that my first thought was, "that's what he gets!"  Then I thought again about my position as a Christian, which comes before anything in this world.  Christ teaches us to love our enemies, even to pray for them-which is an expression of love.  How hard it is though, to do something so simple for someone who seems so blatantly evil.

I can't say I'm at that point right now, but I can say I feel sorry for him...  What a pity to live life so consumed with the devil's emotions. It is what our TRUE enemy feeds off of (the devil of course- and you will not see me capitalize his name. EVER!), yet people buy into every day. HATE.

Motives, that's the key word.  So many judge the outward appearances, even outward actions as if those alone define the situation; but it is the motive, a condition of the heart, that is judged by God. This is where I believe George Zimmerman fails continuously.

Since making the news, and his first claim the infamousy back in 2012, there has been nothing but a string of negative coverage for this man. His brute temper has been exposed in a series of battery charges, one which caused his wife, who stood by him during his murder trial, to pack her bags and leave.

Does he truly feel that taking the life of an unarmed young man who was just approaching the prime of his life, and could have lead an amazing one full of promise, is a note worthy deed? If so, where do his motives lie?  What is the condition of his heart since there seems to be no conviction on the inside telling him what he did was wrong?  He walks around as if he's done the world a favor, and yet I wonder if it was his own son taken out, would he still feel the need to gloat?

Here-in lies the reason for my pity. It seems as though the condition of his heart is in much worse shape than his face must have been after the angry patron got through with him.  Many have used the term I'm about to express (about George Zimmerman), and often so loosely its almost cliche'. Still, it does not make it any less true...  He needs Jesus!

We The People...

As I write this, I have just learned of the death of Korryn Gaines, a 23 year old black woman shot and killed in front of her 5 year old son.  A son, who by the way, was shot as well during the rain of fire aimed at his mother sitting next to him. They claimed she was "holding him hostage," but the child was recorded saying that he did not want to go out there and face those officers.  So this mother, thinking that she was protecting her son, sat by his side with a shot gun in her lap and a cell phone in her hand.

The saddest part of the whole video was when she asked the young boy who was outside, and what they had come there to do.  In his small voice, you could hear him say that the police had, "come to kill us..."  Not that I agree with holding a gun and having a stand-off with law enforcement, because I DON'T, but a rational mind would beg to question why SWAT would be called out for traffic violations?  One would also have to wonder if these officers were taught during training to use deadly force while there is a child present?

This woman, who felt she was protecting her son, addressed the officers at her door by their title, and even calling them sir.  No disrespect was in her tone, yet the words you hear on that video are the last words she spoke before being killed by them.  I wonder if she felt that this would be her end?  It was said that she actually spent time, prior to her death, filming police brutality in her Baltimore neighborhood. Could that be another reason why SWAT was sent out in the first place?

WE THE PEOPLE, the ones who help/ed to build this nation are in a stand-off with the hired exterminators (and those who allow/support their actions by not speaking up) who pray on the powerless. But aren't we all really?  Powerless I mean, because the only side the law is on is their own. It is a modern-day Civil War under the guise as one of the world's greatest countries.

On September 27th, of 2011, Chad Chadwick, a Ft. Bend County Caucasian resident, and father, went home after having a few drinks, and fell asleep in his bathtub. A concerned friend called the Missouri City Police to go over and check on him.  Approximately 5 members of the city's SWAT unit were sent out instead.  They arrived, and without announcing their presence, kicked down his door, and entered his apartment without a warrant.  They found him sleeping in the tub, but instead of checking on him, they chose to pull him out naked and snap photos of his body.  After that initial humiliation, they proceeded to knock him to the ground and shoot him with a 40mm non lethal round (which if he was black would have been a SUPER lethal round). To add insult and more injury, they tazed him in the back of the head and beat him until he had permanent hearing loss.  This gentleman was then hauled off to jail with no known charges, and no prior record.  I can only imagine what they would have done to someone who had a record (RIP Alton Sterling)...

Not only had these officers wrecked Chad Chadwick's life with their violent unlawful acts, but they also tried to ruin his reputation by covering their tracks and saying he was holding hostages as the reason why they used such brute force.  I saw the video, there were no hostages.  These lies they told under oath, have put a barrier between he and his child, as he is being kept from performing his parental duty as her father because of the false charges on his record.

In Austin, TX Breaion King, an elementary school teacher, who so happens to be my sorority sister, and Black, was pulled over for a minor traffic incident by an Officer Bryan Richter.  Without provocation, I watched as his dashboard camera caught him pulling Ms. King from her car and slamming her into the ground; holding her there by what appeared to be a knee to her neck.  He then commenced to man handle her while drawing cuffs from his belt.  Pulling her up sharply by her arms, which were so far behind her, I was afraid they might break, he and his partner finished cuffing her together, and shoved her into the back of their cruiser.  She did not resist, or provoke the officer to produce this type of treatment.  Her only question as she was being carted off to jail was why.  Why was this happening to her?  In response, the officer posed a question right back to her, one as ignorant as his actions had just displayed.  He asked if she knew why people were so scared of Black people.  He then went on to answer his own question by saying that it was because Black people had "violent tendencies." Even though HE was the one who had just BEAT HER without reason or provocation.

Needless to say, all the charges against her were immediately dropped by the court, and a public apology was issued; not by officer Richter or his partner, but by the city's Chief of Police. Though I'm sure the memory of this experience, for her, will never disappear.

I thank God for the bold citizens who are willing to risk their own lives to film police brutality, and those dashboard cams that capture the corrupt actions of ones who should not be members of the systems law enforcement.  WE THE PEOPLE are at war, in hopes that one day our current system of injustice will be turned on its head and held accountable.  These amateur videos bring to light what has been long since looked over and even dismissed.

More power-hungry cops eager to flex their position, were recently caught on camera brutally beating a motorist in the middle of a busy street.  A passer-by noticed and took it upon himself to start filming the incident so that he may publish it on social media.  One of the officers noticed, and chose to cross that busy street so that he could take down the passer-by using his defense weapon. Now why would he do that if what he was doing were legal?

I'm not one to judge the whole group by the ignorant few.  As a Black woman living in America, I already know how it feels to be on the receiving end of someone's hatred simply for being different. It seems only skin color to be a curse in the mind of a fool.  A dog can be different, so can a horse, yet these animals are accepted as some of the most beloved pets by the very people who don't accept others because of the shade of their pigment.  A pigment that only runs 1/16th of an inch deep in skin. Yes, 1/16th of an inch separates us, but this same color in a dog, a horse, even a cat is of no consequence.

There was a woman, a Black woman, taken into custody for a first time minor shop lifting offense. What baffled me was not the crime, but the punishment.  She was sentenced to 75 days in jail and during her initial three day, while waiting to appear in court, had her pants taken away; totally unclothed from the waist down. To top that off the jailers refused to provide her with feminine products, and they escorted her into court this way.

The judge in this case was blown away, as anyone in their right mind should be.  Did this woman deserve to be stripped of her dignity and stand in front of a judge with a courtroom full of spectators because of a first offense with no previous record?  I think not! And neither did the judge. She called the jail where she was being held and asked how such a thing could be allowed.  She also reduced her sentenced to time served and gave her a credited $100 fine; saying in essence that it was absolutely ludicrous for them to give that woman such a lengthy sentence, and shame her in that way.  Would the story have been the same if the woman's skin was pale, eyes blue, hair blonde, and came from more income than those who reside in a trailer park?  You know the answer...

These things are not all happening in the past!  This is not 1964.  We are no longer in a Civil Rights Movement, yet things that happened then are still fresh on the screens of the nightly news. When will law enforcement honor the oaths they take?  When will the injustice system stand for justice?  Did you know citizens that you have a lawful right to resist unlawful arrest, even to the point of taking the life of the arresting officer?  DID YOU?  I'll bet that is a law that will never be told, you have to research it for yourself.  Check it out, its in the books.  Know your rights, you are a citizen, you have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, but without the knowledge of those rights, and an accountable system to back them up, we will continue to perish. WE THE PEOPLE have a right to know.

White Supremacy-A Message to the KKK

What is white supremacy?
Really?
Is it an insecurity complex rooted
So deeply
That the mind is watered down with
Foolish falsely educated idiocy?
Who gave you the right to reign supreme?
In the Bible it reads that there is only
One true Supreme Being
Are you, the created, attempting to take
The place of The Creator?
Well, that won't succeed
Just ask Lucifer, now called the devil
Yeah, you know the story,
And we all know where it leads...
Is there anyone, other than yourself, who said
You're better than me?
Just because we're created different
Doesn't mean
I don't meet the classified standard of beauty
Besides that, my value comes from a place
Rooted much deeper any way
Than what is plainly seen
I am part of a royal priesthood
Therefore called into royalty
And if you can't see your worth
Past being better than me
I can only move on, and shake you off
As the dust beneath my feet

AT&Thieves

Its a shame when a phone company who is supposed to be providing you a service takes the liberty to ROB YOU BLIND without giving it a second thought.

I have been with AT&T since they were Cingulair (I guess that's how you spell it...).  You'd think I'd get some sort of "grandfathered in" benefits, but no.  Somehow, with my being the one who had the initial account with Cingulair, and then later adding my husband after we got married, just before the company was bought out by AT&T, I was pushed out as the account holder.  This prevented me from making any decisions on an account which used to be owned solely by myself.  According to them, everything now needed to be verified through my husband. Huh??? When did that happen?

But that was only a minor issue in my list of grievances with this company.  One of the main concerns I have is their lack of communication in regards to pulling extra money from my bank account. The first major issue happened during the 2012 Christmas season. Our family plan had two upgrades as a credit on our account, and I decided to use them to get our boys new phones as one of their gifts. I made sure to stay in that store as long as I could to get reassurance that what they were giving me was not a scam. I spoke with not only the representative, but also the store manager who reassured me that by taking advantage of this holiday special there would be no extra charges on my account. Basically we were getting a duty free upgrade according to the impression they had made.

I was excited for my boys because they would be getting the latest model of the LG, the G2, which had been introduced to the market that year, and was a wise investment (that I would be getting for free) according to the store reps.

I walked out of the store after signing the necessary paperwork with trepidation on one shoulder and reluctant enthusiasm on the other.  Something inside me would not allow me to believe the words I had just been fed in that store. (Btw: if you're ever in the Katy, TX. area, and visit the Katy Mills Outlet mall DON'T stop in to that AT&T store.  It's a trick!)

When it came time to get my bill, I was expecting discrepancies, but was fully blown away when I saw that the total charge was over $700.00, and that was only for one month. Included in this $700.00 were a number of fees which were not communicated to me upon purchase, and some I was promised would never show up on my bill in the first place. I was livid! I wondered how any company could justify racking up over $500.00 in fees with loyal customers who paid their bill every month.  Oh, and did I mention this particular account, one which I was not allowed to make decisions on prior to this purchase, had been given over to my husband with full rights to all decisions made?  YES I DID!

I wish I had caught on to the scam the moment the representatives decided it was okay to allow me the decision to get the phones for my boys, but yet did not allow me any other rights to changes on the account other than that.  My mind was so clouded with the excitement of being able to give my sons this type of gift for Christmas that this major flaw in service was overlooked.  My husband had to step in and go to a downtown location where those employees noticed the apparent discrepancies on our account, and the negligence of the AT&T representatives at the Katy Mills location.  Thankfully those gentleman corrected the problem.

The fun didn't stop there though.  Just last year my husband was due for yet another upgrade (Oh those upgrades... What a trap...) Now mind you, we were used to our upgrades being free as long as we were willing to sign on to another two year agreement (the trap).  Since he was ready for a new phone, my husband went ahead and signed on the dotted line while under the impression that this particular phone would also be free.  But, what AT&T failed to tell him when he got the phone is that they no longer provided free upgrades with contract renewals, no, my husband and I would be paying the full cost of his new phone in addition to our monthly bill. This would not have been a problem if they had let us know before signing the agreement, because then we would have promptly decided that his old phone was good enough, picked up our things, and walked our behinds right out of the store.  That choice was taken from us, all in the name of getting more money.

So for all of you current, or prospective AT&T customers be prepared to bend over and take it for how ever long they have you locked in.  As for me and my family, we'll be done in two years... (I hope).

A Mother's Woes

Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good enough.  No matter how hard I try I end up doing the very things I set in my mind not to do.  Losing my temper with my children seems to be a recurring event as they grow deeper into their teens, and all I want to be is the best mother I can be to both of my sons.

As my children so often to refer to my chosen method of communication, and as is so popularly coined when in reference to women who continuously speak their mind; I nag.  Am I proud of this? No.  Do I want to continue? Heck no!  But when I clearly communicate my expectations, and the matter of time in which I expect them to be followed, it irks me when I hear the constant excuses that my words were forgotten, or for that matter, not even heard... Every day?  Does the hearing mechanism in their ears only operate when I'm saying something they want to hear like, "Hey y'all want to go out to eat, or would you like a little money for your pocket?"

It is only when I become so frustrated with the daily recurrence of  a power struggle between my children and I, and then say something out of that frustration which causes my son's feelings to be hurt that I begin to feel  that maybe I'm just not good enough for my position.

Just last week my youngest son "ran away" after I told him to reclean all the mess he had left behind from his initial cleaning.  I remember telling him that I would prefer for any child of mine to leave versus not taking care of the small responsibilities that I give them while living in my home. This, of course, was not what I truly meant.  I could never see my sons living anywhere but with me while they are being raised, but it took a conversation with my husband for me to see that maybe he had interpreted my words the wrong way.

After saying this to my son he dropped what he was doing and began to walk out of the house.  At first with nothing, but then deciding to turn around and retrieve his phone.  A phone I quickly confiscated, reminding him that I still paid the bill.  He left in a huff and began the long walk out of our neighborhood in 90 degree weather.

I was hot on his trail. trying to give tough love, but at the same time having a protective mother instinct that immediately takes over whenever I feel one of my children would face even the slightest bit of danger.  I followed him for about a quarter of a mile until I noticed that he was becoming increasingly tired.  This is when I decided enough was enough and pulled up beside him so that he could see that I had been following him.  He chose to run from me, yelling that I only cared about myself; the same thing he had said on his way out the door.  I ignored this because I knew he was angry, and parked the car waiting, because I knew eventually he would turn around.  He did, and when he got back into the car he told me that if I really cared about him I would have never let him leave.  Oh, but how far from the truth he was.

When we got back to the house we had a long conversation about tough love, and I apologized if I had given him the wrong impression, and had been too hard on him.  I also made sure he knew that I was still mama, and had rules which I expected to be followed.  Our conversation ended well, as we both reached a better understanding of how the other operates.

I can only hope now that my 16 year old is mad at me, he and I can come to the same understanding.  If only there was an instruction book on how to raise teen-aged boys out there, it would be a number one seller, and I would be first in line for my copy.

Woe is me...

What Hate Looks Like

What does hate really look like? For me, growing up in a Christian household, hatred always tended to look like red horns with a demonic face.  Hatred was evil, born straight from the father of lies.  Hatred was the devil.

Whatever it may look like personally to you, it is real, it is here, and it comes in many forms.  In the spirit realm, it has existed since before man was created.  This we learn through the story of Lucifer, one of God's highest angels, who came to know hate through his desire to take God's place. His prideful lust for The Creator's throne resulted in him being cast out of heaven by the very God he was trying to be. But hatred, thankfully does not follow mankind through the birth canal in the process of labor.  No, we come into this world not caring about the differences between one person from the next.  The ignorance, bound in hatred, is a learned character trait passed down through generations as a way of boosting the human ego.

It is natural in any man or woman to want to feel more secure in themselves.  Some people go about this by reaching for higher career goals, or buying a whole new wardrobe.  Some even find a deeper level of security in their religious beliefs, and lessons of encouragement they receive as a result.  Yet there are others who have been taught that security comes from the belief that they are superior to someone else based off of their differences.

America as a whole has learned to put on a pretty mask.  We parade around in an effort to cover our true feelings and call it being "politically correct."  We practice our curtsy and give an esteemed bow to keep up a show for this masquerade ball of a nation.  We do this until something so drastically historic happens that it ruffles our feathers, and lifts the mask right off the faces of the hateful.  Historic happenings such as the election of the nation's first Black president, which happened nearly eight years ago, but yet has netted a drastic amount of ignorance which has been swelling for so long that it has been pricked to the point of explosion.

Being politically correct, even in the media, has somehow become  a thing of the past.  Bill O'Reilly, a journalist with his own nightly show, has made claims that Black Americans are "ill educated," and apparently they also have tattoos on their foreheads.  I also remember that there was a point in time where he claimed that Black Americans were responsible for the nation's level of violence.  While admittedly there are some people who are Black and do those things, it is also true that the same can be said about people in other races.

It is a sad thing when someone who has such influence on the nation, can take his platform and use it to display his ignorance so boldly.  He is only one of the many.  Time after time we have been exposed to hatred through slanderous words, and even acts of violence.  The terrorist attacks of 9/11, and more recently the shootings in an Orlando night club where 50 people were killed. show how hate can infect the human mind and permeate the outcome of other's lives. This recent attack has been said to be the deadliest mass shooting in the United States and the worst terrorist attack since September of 2001. and it was all driven by, and laced in hate.

One thing I know about hate is that it always comes to steal your mind, kill your existence, and destroy your destiny.  Never have I seen a hateful person walk around daily with hearts filled with utter delight.  They are drenched in their negative emotions, and search miserably for how they can inflict their ignorance on the one's they feel more superior to. It is a heavy burden that I choose not to bear.  Martin Luther King Jr. said it best, "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."  If you need proof of this, keep tuning in to your nightly news.