White Supremacy-A Message to the KKK

What is white supremacy?
Really?
Is it an insecurity complex rooted
So deeply
That the mind is watered down with
Foolish falsely educated idiocy?
Who gave you the right to reign supreme?
In the Bible it reads that there is only
One true Supreme Being
Are you, the created, attempting to take
The place of The Creator?
Well, that won't succeed
Just ask Lucifer, now called the devil
Yeah, you know the story,
And we all know where it leads...
Is there anyone, other than yourself, who said
You're better than me?
Just because we're created different
Doesn't mean
I don't meet the classified standard of beauty
Besides that, my value comes from a place
Rooted much deeper any way
Than what is plainly seen
I am part of a royal priesthood
Therefore called into royalty
And if you can't see your worth
Past being better than me
I can only move on, and shake you off
As the dust beneath my feet

AT&Thieves

Its a shame when a phone company who is supposed to be providing you a service takes the liberty to ROB YOU BLIND without giving it a second thought.

I have been with AT&T since they were Cingulair (I guess that's how you spell it...).  You'd think I'd get some sort of "grandfathered in" benefits, but no.  Somehow, with my being the one who had the initial account with Cingulair, and then later adding my husband after we got married, just before the company was bought out by AT&T, I was pushed out as the account holder.  This prevented me from making any decisions on an account which used to be owned solely by myself.  According to them, everything now needed to be verified through my husband. Huh??? When did that happen?

But that was only a minor issue in my list of grievances with this company.  One of the main concerns I have is their lack of communication in regards to pulling extra money from my bank account. The first major issue happened during the 2012 Christmas season. Our family plan had two upgrades as a credit on our account, and I decided to use them to get our boys new phones as one of their gifts. I made sure to stay in that store as long as I could to get reassurance that what they were giving me was not a scam. I spoke with not only the representative, but also the store manager who reassured me that by taking advantage of this holiday special there would be no extra charges on my account. Basically we were getting a duty free upgrade according to the impression they had made.

I was excited for my boys because they would be getting the latest model of the LG, the G2, which had been introduced to the market that year, and was a wise investment (that I would be getting for free) according to the store reps.

I walked out of the store after signing the necessary paperwork with trepidation on one shoulder and reluctant enthusiasm on the other.  Something inside me would not allow me to believe the words I had just been fed in that store. (Btw: if you're ever in the Katy, TX. area, and visit the Katy Mills Outlet mall DON'T stop in to that AT&T store.  It's a trick!)

When it came time to get my bill, I was expecting discrepancies, but was fully blown away when I saw that the total charge was over $700.00, and that was only for one month. Included in this $700.00 were a number of fees which were not communicated to me upon purchase, and some I was promised would never show up on my bill in the first place. I was livid! I wondered how any company could justify racking up over $500.00 in fees with loyal customers who paid their bill every month.  Oh, and did I mention this particular account, one which I was not allowed to make decisions on prior to this purchase, had been given over to my husband with full rights to all decisions made?  YES I DID!

I wish I had caught on to the scam the moment the representatives decided it was okay to allow me the decision to get the phones for my boys, but yet did not allow me any other rights to changes on the account other than that.  My mind was so clouded with the excitement of being able to give my sons this type of gift for Christmas that this major flaw in service was overlooked.  My husband had to step in and go to a downtown location where those employees noticed the apparent discrepancies on our account, and the negligence of the AT&T representatives at the Katy Mills location.  Thankfully those gentleman corrected the problem.

The fun didn't stop there though.  Just last year my husband was due for yet another upgrade (Oh those upgrades... What a trap...) Now mind you, we were used to our upgrades being free as long as we were willing to sign on to another two year agreement (the trap).  Since he was ready for a new phone, my husband went ahead and signed on the dotted line while under the impression that this particular phone would also be free.  But, what AT&T failed to tell him when he got the phone is that they no longer provided free upgrades with contract renewals, no, my husband and I would be paying the full cost of his new phone in addition to our monthly bill. This would not have been a problem if they had let us know before signing the agreement, because then we would have promptly decided that his old phone was good enough, picked up our things, and walked our behinds right out of the store.  That choice was taken from us, all in the name of getting more money.

So for all of you current, or prospective AT&T customers be prepared to bend over and take it for how ever long they have you locked in.  As for me and my family, we'll be done in two years... (I hope).

A Mother's Woes

Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good enough.  No matter how hard I try I end up doing the very things I set in my mind not to do.  Losing my temper with my children seems to be a recurring event as they grow deeper into their teens, and all I want to be is the best mother I can be to both of my sons.

As my children so often to refer to my chosen method of communication, and as is so popularly coined when in reference to women who continuously speak their mind; I nag.  Am I proud of this? No.  Do I want to continue? Heck no!  But when I clearly communicate my expectations, and the matter of time in which I expect them to be followed, it irks me when I hear the constant excuses that my words were forgotten, or for that matter, not even heard... Every day?  Does the hearing mechanism in their ears only operate when I'm saying something they want to hear like, "Hey y'all want to go out to eat, or would you like a little money for your pocket?"

It is only when I become so frustrated with the daily recurrence of  a power struggle between my children and I, and then say something out of that frustration which causes my son's feelings to be hurt that I begin to feel  that maybe I'm just not good enough for my position.

Just last week my youngest son "ran away" after I told him to reclean all the mess he had left behind from his initial cleaning.  I remember telling him that I would prefer for any child of mine to leave versus not taking care of the small responsibilities that I give them while living in my home. This, of course, was not what I truly meant.  I could never see my sons living anywhere but with me while they are being raised, but it took a conversation with my husband for me to see that maybe he had interpreted my words the wrong way.

After saying this to my son he dropped what he was doing and began to walk out of the house.  At first with nothing, but then deciding to turn around and retrieve his phone.  A phone I quickly confiscated, reminding him that I still paid the bill.  He left in a huff and began the long walk out of our neighborhood in 90 degree weather.

I was hot on his trail. trying to give tough love, but at the same time having a protective mother instinct that immediately takes over whenever I feel one of my children would face even the slightest bit of danger.  I followed him for about a quarter of a mile until I noticed that he was becoming increasingly tired.  This is when I decided enough was enough and pulled up beside him so that he could see that I had been following him.  He chose to run from me, yelling that I only cared about myself; the same thing he had said on his way out the door.  I ignored this because I knew he was angry, and parked the car waiting, because I knew eventually he would turn around.  He did, and when he got back into the car he told me that if I really cared about him I would have never let him leave.  Oh, but how far from the truth he was.

When we got back to the house we had a long conversation about tough love, and I apologized if I had given him the wrong impression, and had been too hard on him.  I also made sure he knew that I was still mama, and had rules which I expected to be followed.  Our conversation ended well, as we both reached a better understanding of how the other operates.

I can only hope now that my 16 year old is mad at me, he and I can come to the same understanding.  If only there was an instruction book on how to raise teen-aged boys out there, it would be a number one seller, and I would be first in line for my copy.

Woe is me...

What Hate Looks Like

What does hate really look like? For me, growing up in a Christian household, hatred always tended to look like red horns with a demonic face.  Hatred was evil, born straight from the father of lies.  Hatred was the devil.

Whatever it may look like personally to you, it is real, it is here, and it comes in many forms.  In the spirit realm, it has existed since before man was created.  This we learn through the story of Lucifer, one of God's highest angels, who came to know hate through his desire to take God's place. His prideful lust for The Creator's throne resulted in him being cast out of heaven by the very God he was trying to be. But hatred, thankfully does not follow mankind through the birth canal in the process of labor.  No, we come into this world not caring about the differences between one person from the next.  The ignorance, bound in hatred, is a learned character trait passed down through generations as a way of boosting the human ego.

It is natural in any man or woman to want to feel more secure in themselves.  Some people go about this by reaching for higher career goals, or buying a whole new wardrobe.  Some even find a deeper level of security in their religious beliefs, and lessons of encouragement they receive as a result.  Yet there are others who have been taught that security comes from the belief that they are superior to someone else based off of their differences.

America as a whole has learned to put on a pretty mask.  We parade around in an effort to cover our true feelings and call it being "politically correct."  We practice our curtsy and give an esteemed bow to keep up a show for this masquerade ball of a nation.  We do this until something so drastically historic happens that it ruffles our feathers, and lifts the mask right off the faces of the hateful.  Historic happenings such as the election of the nation's first Black president, which happened nearly eight years ago, but yet has netted a drastic amount of ignorance which has been swelling for so long that it has been pricked to the point of explosion.

Being politically correct, even in the media, has somehow become  a thing of the past.  Bill O'Reilly, a journalist with his own nightly show, has made claims that Black Americans are "ill educated," and apparently they also have tattoos on their foreheads.  I also remember that there was a point in time where he claimed that Black Americans were responsible for the nation's level of violence.  While admittedly there are some people who are Black and do those things, it is also true that the same can be said about people in other races.

It is a sad thing when someone who has such influence on the nation, can take his platform and use it to display his ignorance so boldly.  He is only one of the many.  Time after time we have been exposed to hatred through slanderous words, and even acts of violence.  The terrorist attacks of 9/11, and more recently the shootings in an Orlando night club where 50 people were killed. show how hate can infect the human mind and permeate the outcome of other's lives. This recent attack has been said to be the deadliest mass shooting in the United States and the worst terrorist attack since September of 2001. and it was all driven by, and laced in hate.

One thing I know about hate is that it always comes to steal your mind, kill your existence, and destroy your destiny.  Never have I seen a hateful person walk around daily with hearts filled with utter delight.  They are drenched in their negative emotions, and search miserably for how they can inflict their ignorance on the one's they feel more superior to. It is a heavy burden that I choose not to bear.  Martin Luther King Jr. said it best, "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."  If you need proof of this, keep tuning in to your nightly news.

Weaknesses

I wish my weakness would just leave me alone
Sometimes I just feel like it'll never go home
As soon as I think I've got it in check
It comes and proclaims, "No girl, I'm back."

If I could only escape it for one moment of peace
My thoughts could collect enough for me to get back to me
But as I grow further into life's ups and downs
This weakness jumps out and demands to be found

I wake in the morning, all snug in my bed
And as soon as I open my eyes, weakness bears its dirty head
Its a battle I can't win all on my own
'Cause weakness has speed dialed my life right into its phone

I say to myself, "look at her, she looks like she's got it all together in these streets."
Knowing deep down, comparison and confidence are natural born enemies
Besides that I know, someone could be thinking that about me
Fighting to cleave to the good in thier identities

Me and old weakness, yeah we fight every day
Constantly struggling to move the other away
Thank God,  my Jesus took one for the team
Now I'm totally set free from the weaknesses that bound me

What is Beauty?

Picture provided by: www.theodysseyonline.com/beauty-not-duty

In the dictionary, beauty is defined as a combination of qualities such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.  Another definition goes on to say that beauty is pleasurably exalting to the mind or spirit.  But what is true beauty? Really?

I remember being told once, by someone of great significance to me, that another woman was prettier because her skin was lighter, and she had longer hair.  The only thing I could think to respond with was, "Is it all hers?" (The hair that is).  I tried playing it cool, but inside the way I felt about myself was dying. The death was not a slow and agonizing one.  This one was a swift cut to the throat of my self confidence.

All of the beauty I thought I had slipped away on that day, and even now, almost two years later, I have yet to grasp a healthy grip of the confidence that used to be mine. What in the world was I thinking when I asked that question?  Is she prettier than me?  First of all, it was something I knew I truly didn't want to know the answer to given the source and circumstance.  Sometimes, I feel ignorance is truly bliss.

But was I truly confident in myself, and how God made me if one conversation could break me down so easily? Maybe if it were someone else the statement wouldn't have affected me the way it did.  I began looking at the complexion of my skin as if for the first time. Not that I had never noticed my golden brown tone, I had just never had a problem with it before.

For the first time I saw how dark my complexion was in comparison to a few of my friends.  I began to question if I was as pretty as they were, or just fooling myself.   My thoughts became an obsession of wondering if I was good enough; was my hair long enough, and how much sun could I avoid so my skin would not grow any darker?

Many years ago, when I was in the 10th grade, I remember walking down the hall to my next class and minding my own business.  Without being prompted, some random guy decided to step to me and say, "You look really lopsided.  If only the size of your breast matched with the size of your behind."  I didn't even know the guy's name, and could not remember ever seeing him in the hallway, but it was like what he said brought attention to my lack of awareness that I actually had small breast.

After that I began to watch as seemingly all the girls in my peer group developed and left me in the dust.  Where were my big breast?  Weren't they something I was supposed to have as a girl?  Why was it taking them so long to grow?  My mother always said that the breast I didn't yet have would come full circle and grow to match the size of just about every other woman on her side of the family when I had children.  I was excited to know this, and when I finally had children, was happy to see the evidence.  But just as soon as I decided to ween my children from nursing, my big breast decided to ween themselves from the girth of their size.

I've come to the conclusion that some women (women like me) are beautiful in our own minds until someone comes along and tells us that we are not according to THEIR standard of beauty.  Is a standard of beauty truly based off of what another person thinks, or is it how we should think about ourselves?  When God made man (including woman), He looked at His work, and said it was good.  So, if the Creator can look at His own work and say that how He made us was good, who are we to doubt that?

True beauty comes from within.  When you look in the mirror, it is how you view yourself, flaws and all.  It is how you accept the way God made you, because nobody can do you better than you do yourself.  It is being proud of the person you are and not comparing yourself to others.  Self confidence glows like a guiding light, and it will lead others to view you in the same way, and there is nothing more (humanly) beautiful than that.

The Trinity

Yesterday, as we were riding home from school, my youngest son asked me about the correlation between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. He didn't understand how when in church they say, "Jesus is God," that they are talking about a different person of God than God the Father and the Holy Spirit.

I have to admit this one puzzled me even into adulthood.  My explanation to him was something that was just recently revealed to me through listening to my pastor, reading my Bible, and the power of the Holy Spirit living inside of me.

In the Bible it states that when Christ ascended into Heaven, He left us with the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is our sealed promise that we belong in the Kingdom of God.  To my son, I explained that the Holy Spirit was kind of like DNA.  Anyone who wanted to know who he belonged  to (in the natural realm) could take a DNA sample from his blood, or any form of bodily fluid, and know that he belongs to his father and I.  In the same way, the Holy Spirit living inside of us allows for people to know who he belongs to (in the spiritual realm), should they test to see.

Romans 8:34 states that Christ Jesus, who died "is at the right hand of God..."  Even as He hung dying on the cross, Jesus spoke to His heavenly Father and asked mercy for all who were there and responsible for crucifying Him. Genesis 1:26 states, " Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our own image, in our likeness..." In Genesis 3: 22 after Adam and Eve ate from the tree bearing the knowledge of good and evil God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil."  Who was He talking to other than the Ones who bear witness with him in heaven; The Son, and The Holy Spirit?

There is further references to God in three persons in 2 Corinthians 13:14 and 1 Peter 1:2 (even more so than the ones I've listed in this blog post).  I believe now I have a better understanding of the Trinity, even though in the Bible the word is not technically mentioned, 1 John 5:7 does state "for there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, The Word (who is Christ- the one who was with God the Father when Earth was formed), and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one."


There is much to learn when I do get to heaven, because I still struggle to communicate how God the Father is in three persons, but He is also one with Christ and the Holy Spirit to my children.  My hope is that as they grow older and more mature in their faith, they will learn, like I did, and through that learning process draw even closer to The Lord.